I can never tell if I’m the biggest asshole to exist or a huge sweetheart because some people I care immensely about and would drop everything for them and other people I could punch in the eye for just speaking.
You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.
I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep.